You're my little dorito
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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