Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
