Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
