i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
