thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
