Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What a dumb baby whore.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
