first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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