Someone shit on the floor
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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