my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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