I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
