i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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