I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Less talking, more tequila
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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