I want to have your abortion
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
