Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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