Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
