cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
