I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
