It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
