I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
