she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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