I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think my tv is drunk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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