Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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