so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
