Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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