Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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