its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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