her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
