It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
