Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
