How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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