Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
