Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
