I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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