morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
