Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
