please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
