I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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