when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You took a bar mat shot.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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