The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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