we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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