I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
