This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
