Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
