ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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