I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
two words...techno handjob
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
