At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
