People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
