So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
