this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
