I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
