you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
