Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
