I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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