don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize