this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
