my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
