I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
