How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
