i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
