your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
